For years I've been told I had an unusual aversion towards funerals ... NOT death. Death is natural process of life. I'm the type of person to give my all to the living. Give them flowers while they are alive, so-to-speak.
I remember attending my Aunt's funeral when I was about 4 years old. I didn't understand why people were so sad and crying. I think perhaps that was the beginning of me trying to understand the whole funeral concept as a child and I continued to struggle with the concept into adulthood. As an adult I became more and more aware of the ugliness seeping out of people during and after the death of a loved one. Families would bicker and fight over material possessions. Complaints of who did this or that or who didn't do this or that. Relatives coming out of the woodwork that hadn't contributed to the care of the love one, no visits or phone calls during the last days, but jump right into center of making funeral arrangements. That being said this is my #3 reason 'why I hate funerals'.
#2 - Okay, so now family members are angry, upset and choosing sides by day two. "A family divided" while making funeral arrangements. On top of that the phone is ringing off the wall with people offering their condolences and some just being plain old nosey. By now the family members are frustrated and tired. But, that doesn't stop people from dropping in to console the family ... the nosey ones come too. The family has to flip into the hostess mode by offering food and drink, stop what they are doing to sit down and chit-chat with the visitors. So far, no time to grieve privately. You hear all sorts of stories about how close they were with your departed loved one. What the hell? I haven't seen or heard from you in years! This goes on non-stop for days.
#1 - FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS
Now this particular 'hate' is recent and personally happened to me. I was the caregiver for my 94 year old uncle who passed away 13 days ago. Being the Executor of his estate, I had no other choice but to make his funeral arrangements. Or I should say, make "traditional funeral arrangements". My husband passed away 9 years ago, but because of my aversion to funerals I chose a graveside service. A lovely, quick, no stress service. My in-laws haven't spoken to me since. I digress ...
Knowing my Uncle was in his last days, I went to the funeral home and made what is called a 'Pre-Need' contract. This contract states the cost of services needed and chosen for a funeral. The only service costs left off the contract was the cost of 2 sprays, the obituary programs and a DVD picture video. When I walked out I had the cost of the funeral minus the pending services cost and a pretty good idea what would be left from the insurance policy to apply to other expenses for my uncle. My uncle passed 12 days later and I was 'told' the funeral service was nice. Did I mention ... I DON'T DO FUNERALS! I detest the hypocrisy. I've always been told the funeral is not for the dead, but for the living. A chance for closure and show respect to the family. Again, I say, "BULL!" In my opinion you would have closure if you were actively interacting with that person and their family BEFORE they died. I digress .... back to the funeral home.
A few days after the funeral I go back to the funeral to pick up a check what should have been the difference of the burial policy minus funeral expenses. Plain and simple I was ripped off. I spent the next calling all the funeral home's vendors (grave digger, florist, newspaper obit, etc...) to get the price they charged the funeral home. I was horrified in the difference in what the funeral home paid the vendor and what he charged me. He padded each and everyone of the service cost; all expect one, only because he knew I was a personal friend of that vendor. When confronted about the padded charges, he lied through his teeth and told me it was common practice. Several service cost was not on the original Pre-Need contract. He had already prepared a typed list of the additional service cost. It might be common practice, but it certainly deceptive and unethical.
I've never done a blog before and not really sure what I'm expecting out of this blog; other than vent. I'm open to all points of view to help me get past my disappointment, anger or justification of why I HATE FUNERALS!
